By Caroline Wyatt Defence correspondent, BBC News Campaigners have called on ministers to change rules that mean forces widows have to give up their spouse's pension if they remarry or cohabit.
In a letter to the Times signed by former senior defence figures, they said this would cost £250,000 a year out of a forces pension bill of £5bn.
The principle applies if the service member died off duty.
The Ministry of Defence said it was not planning to change the rules and must ensure the scheme remained affordable.
If a member of the armed forces died as a result of service their widow would still receive their pension even if they remarried or cohabited, the MoD added.
Painful decisionThe situation means up to 80 service widows a year have their pensions taken away.
Janice Nicoll, the widow of a Royal Navy officer, is one of those who has made the painful decision that she cannot afford to remarry.
When she met her late husband, Lt Cdr Andrew Nicoll, it was love at first sight.
Janice was 18 and Andrew 21 when they married in 1991, and she gave up her job to support his military career.
The couple had four children, and the family followed him around the country wherever he was asked to serve.
Janice asked only once what might happen to the family if he died. That was just before he left to serve on Operation Telic, the Iraq campaign of 2003.
He said he was sure his service pension would support the family should anything happen.
But Andrew was only partly right. Because he died in a motorbike accident in 2006 at the age of just 35 while he was not on duty, the pension his family receives is not guaranteed for life.
'Feel in limbo'Janice was left with four young children to bring up on her own, including the two youngest, twins aged seven.
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End Quote Maj Gen John Moore-Bick Forces Pension Society"It matters because those widows affected by the rules have a stark choice: between losing their pensions or staying alone for the rest of their lives"
What she had not realised was that Andrew had stayed in a 1975 Armed Forces pension scheme that stipulated if he died while not on duty, his widow would receive a pension only as long as she did not remarry or cohabit.
Unwittingly, she had become one of those who must still decide whether to marry, or keep a pension that her family depends on.
"When Andrew died, I was told I'd get a monthly payment, but that if I marry or cohabit I won't get it any more. At the time, you don't question that. In my head, at that stage, I was never going to get married again," she said.
"But now, I am with somebody, and have been for five years. We had a hotel booked for the wedding, but he looked into the finances and said it was not really possible right now, not with four young children. So I see him once a week, and I feel as if I am in limbo."
Although Janice works part-time, she relies on the pension to pay the mortgage.
Now she hopes the campaign will help her, and others like her, be able to remarry without jeopardizing their children's future.
"It's not just about the money, but the fact that however he died, my husband still served his country for many years. He served on nuclear submarines, and put his life on the line."
'Complex and unfair'The Forces Pension Society said it would cost £250,000 per year to change the system, so that no service widows would lose their pensions on remarriage.
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End Quote MoD spokesmanIf a member of our Armed Forces dies as a result of service, their widow will still receive their pension, even if they remarry or cohabit"
It also believes that the new Armed Forces Pension Scheme, due for implementation in April 2015, provides a unique opportunity to simplify what it calls "an arcane, complex and unfair" system.
Maj Gen John Moore-Bick, chairman of the Forces Pension Society, said the campaign had been launched because the forces were the only part of the public sector in which life had such turbulence, with many moves as a result of the role which prevents any other pension building up within service families.
"So to seize widows' pension on cohabitation or remarriage we think is unfair - and certainly against the principles of the Armed Forces Covenant, which is that there should be no disadvantage accruing from service to the Armed Forces," he said.
"We are asking for political leadership now to sort this out before the next general election.
"It matters because those widows affected by the rules have a stark choice: between losing their pensions or staying alone for the rest of their lives."
The society said the average value of the pension taken from widows who remarry or cohabit was £2,876.
A Ministry of Defence spokesman said: "If a member of our Armed Forces dies as a result of service, their widow will still receive their pension, even if they remarry or cohabit.
"All personnel serving in 2005 had the chance to opt for the new pension scheme introduced that year which amongst other things increased benefits for next of kin, but fewer than 10% chose to do so.
"It continues to be a long-standing fundamental principle, adopted by successive governments, that pensions should not be improved retrospectively for those who are no longer contributing members or for their dependants, to ensure that schemes remain manageable and affordable."
Are you affected by this story? If you would be willing to be interviewed by the BBC please email haveyoursay@bbc.co.uk with the subject 'Widows'.
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